Imagining life without HER!
by Kahlan-Mason
Summary: Brooke suffers and Peyton has to pick up the pieces but Peyton is also broken just better at hiding it Faith throws the 2 together and a baby makes it more heartbreaking as 2 best friends realize what Fate given them years ago. Peyton & Brooke Luv 3
1. Authors Note

I do not own OTH just an avid watcher.

Brooke has suffered through the worst type of thing and she needs her best friend Peyton there to make the pain go away but Peyton is in LA when a friend ends up on her door step Peyton takes a step back and re-evaluates her life.

Peyton and Lucas never betrayed Brooke.

Lucas and Lindsey get married and Lindsey gets pregnant and they live a semi-happily life.

Brooke needs Peyton's help to figure out what it is she wants and evaluate what's important in her life.

Mouth and Millicent is still together.


	2. It hurts

**Peyton's POV**

_I sat in my apartment room listening some music that one of my "friends" put in she's staring at me with a pensive face on. If I weren't so depressed I would think it was a pretty cute face but I'm depressed. I knew this girl what? 2 weeks and I already have her worrying about me and no this girl isn't my girlfriend she's just a girl that I've been with before in that way. She finally gets up enough courage and walks over to me and sits down in my lap don't want her to feel unwanted so I wrap my arms around her waist most have been the right move cause she relaxes in my touch. She staring out the window now I'm starting to wonder what her problem is so I kiss her arm lingering there longer than was really needed she smiles at me and I already that it was a said smile but smile none the less maybe she's hiding something from me._ "Hey you okay?" _I know stupid question but what else can I ask her?_

"I…um someone named Brooke Davis called for you earlier she sounded really sad asked me could I tell you as soon as you got back in." _Something about how she's talking is making me feel like there isn't something I know._

"Is that why you've been acting so distant because Brooke called lookin for me?" _She looks hurt like she's about to tell me something else bad. Her eyes start watering up and now I have a bad feeling in my stomach yeah sure I've only been sleeping with her for 2 weeks but I've known her since I came to LA she's a good kid so with that being sad I know when there's something she doesn't want to tell me and right now is one of those moments._

"Also I have some other really bad news…I knew I should have told you as soon as you got back but you were already so sad and depressed and I really don't like being the bearer of bad news especially when you're the person that will hurt…you should call Haley let her tell you." _She looks petrified so I know its very bad news and all but I don't want to hear it from Haley I want Aria to tell me don't ask me why I just do._

"I don't want to hear it from Haley Aria I want you to tell me please." _Whatever it is it's killing her inside so now I know this is going to kill me too._

"It's your dad Peyton…" _yup it's going to be the end of me. _"He was in a car accident…he died honey…I'm so sorry." _I think my heart just stopped beating my dad…Larry is dead I can't deal with this…I just can't I need an out. So I get up lifting her off of me I walk over to my phone and grab it and call a number I haven't called in weeks he answers he knows it's me. _"Come over to my house and bring something with you." _Something its funny how I always find a way to go back to my old ways Aria isn't going to like this that much I know but right now I just don't want to feel you know?_

_Half an hour pass and there's a knock at the door Aria gets it cause I'm all zombiefied and crap. He walks in and everything gets tenser she doesn't like Mark much but right now Mark has what I want no what I need and I could careless how they feel about each other. He can't even look at me I promised him I was going clean been somber for 3 weeks not a lot but then again you've probably never use this stuff 3 weeks without it is a big deal._

"I thought Princess here had you going clean Peyt you promised me you'd leave this stuff alone you lied man." _See he cares I don't but he does but what can I say I really need this right now Aria is staring daggers at me it kinda hurts me to see her hurt like this but I can't feel right now…I'll stop soon just not now._

"Drug dealer with a conscious those are rare to come across nice." _I smile smugly at him knowing that he hated being called a hypocrite he throws the baggies in my lap I look down at them I really don't want to be I can't be sober I'm just...weak._

"There you go Peyton that's what you want right next fix or something…no charge cause this is the last time you'll get anything from me you hear?" _I just nod my head the disappointment in his eyes and voice is killing me. Aria looks like she's about to cry but I can't help it._

"Don't worry Markie I gotta have a clear head for the rest of the week gotta plan a funeral can't go back home high." _You can hear the regret in my voice but I can't help it I regret this but I can't help it._

"Man that's shitty I know it hurts to lose someone close but this crap isn't going to bring them back." _I know he's right but I can't really care now both my moms are dead and now my dad is dead there is no one left._

"Yeah but it can make me forget even if its just for a couple of hours." _Aria is no longer sad she looks a little pissed I look away._

"He was your dad your not suppose to forget him…your suppose to cherish those memories not use that stuff to forget him." _Yup she's pissed and she's right but I was never the kinda person to do the right thing. I ignore the sadness and anger that's in the room grab the bags and head to the bathroom she's pissed and hurt and I'm not heartless enough to do the crap in front of her so I take it to the bathroom._

_A couple of minutes and I emerge from the bathroom high feeling mighty good I walk over to the window and the drugs are starting to take affect. Aria is looking at me Mark is staring at his hands._

"I lost my dad when I was in High School my mom died when I was 5 of an drug overdose…not like those kind of drugs she had heart problems and she had to take meds and then she developed a bad case of insomnia and her friend recommended some sleeping pills she took them and she never woke up my dad became depressed and I had to grow up to take care of my younger siblings in high school my dad was drunk and crashed into a ditch died on impact I started doing drugs to forget after doing it for years I had my first overdose but it didn't teach me the lesson that it should have a month before I met you Peyton I overdosed and the doctors lost me on the table a couple of times I learned not short after that I inherited my moms bad heart Peyton if I would have died I would've met you I would've left my siblings lost I was being selfish thinking of my pain only but other people are hurting too by this why hurt them because you feel weak…that's why I don't like drugs because I know what they can do to you I mean you and Mark look at me and think no fun but that's because I know where it gets you it only creates more hurt." _She's crying now and I feel like am asshole and I know anything I say now she's going to ignore and blame it on the drugs but I'll try I guess._

"I know that your gonna chalk it up to the drugs or say you said that last time but this is my last time I swear…I don't want to hurt you Aria I just…It hurts." _My words are slurring but I think I got the message across they say drunk people speak a sobers persons word right? She looks at me and laughs she totally doesn't believe me I can tell._

"What if something else happens and it hurts and you can't deal with it you going to go back to drugs Peyton to deal?" _I look over to Mark who actually looks like he's about to cry wow what a disappointment I am. _

"You should just go to bed Peyton and sleep it off and we can figure out what to do next tomorrow." _Mark actually is a good guy people just see him as this buff bad ass but he's a cool guy he's from Brooklyn bad past doesn't really like talking about it he told me everything and I can see why he doesn't talk about it._

"I'm not joking guys about this being the last time messing with it can't promise you I won't drink but I won't mess with it anymore just don't be mad at me for being weak this one time he's my dad…please Aria don't be mad at me." _What can I say she's my friend and I don't want her to be pissed at me. She looks at me and smiles and points to my bedroom and I do what she tells me to do I go to my room and instantly pass out I was tired but the drugs really didn't want me to go to sleep so I laid in my bed thinking about my dad waiting for the europhic thrill I was having to go away in way it was a waste of drugs what's the use of getting high if your just going to go to bed after about 2 hours of tossing and turning I went to sleep dreaming about a better time when my mom was alive…and I had my B. Davis with me at all times. _"Oh shit Brooke."

__Always & Forever_


	3. The Letter

**Peyton's POV**

_The plane ride back to Tree Hill was killer Aria would not allow me any alcohol she said I need to be sober when I got there after the initial shock wore off and I no longer felt high I went nuts I kicked over a bunch of furniture got in an argument with my landlord sure as hell hit him across the face got dragged out of my place by Mark and put on a plane ride so here I am in Tree Hill airport looking around for Haley sure I got mad I'm just waiting for the tears to come cause when they do I want to have a bottle of vodka close by full bottle at that. Aria isn't staying the whole time she's going back to LA in 2 days she's missed enough work for me sure she wanted to stay but I told her to go back that I'd be cool here total lie but shit she believed me right?_

"Have you spotted her out yet?" _I look over at her and smile I just don't see how she puts up me I'm a total jerk half the time and the other side isn't sober but still she deals with me I tried calling Brooke this morning but she wasn't having it didn't want to hear my excuses never got to tell her that dad was dead she was too pissed hearing from Mark that I was using again sure that pissed me off but serves me right she hung up on me then she wouldn't take my calls so I know she's not going to be here for my homecoming wouldn't blame her if she wasn't._

"I haven't seen her yet but I'm sure she's somewhere around here her and Jamie has to be here." _I wonder if Brooke told Haley that would be wicked harsh but yet again totally serves me right I messed up and if everyone pretends I didn't it'll just happen again and I'd never learn my lesson I just hope and pray I can get through this week without the use of drugs._

"Hey Peyton I see them over there by the vending machines."

_We walk over to them and Jamie of course is the cutest kid his face is covered in chocolate he runs and gives me hug but tries not to get chocolate on my pants I pick him up and hug him tightly_. "Hey kiddo chocolate looks good on ya you know that?" _he just shakes his head yes I let him get down. Haley looks half sad and sympathetic and the other side looks pissed and ready to chew my ass off of course Brooke told her._

"Get over here Peyton and give me a hug." _It'll come the arguing the crying the threats that if I touch it again she'll kick my ass completely rational right?_

_I walked over to her and hug her she looks tired I squeeze her tight and out of the corner of my eye I spot out Brooke Penelope Davis didn't really think she'd come but yet here she is looking exactly like Haley pissed sad and sympathetic as with her the crying telling me I know better the threats but the thing that'll hurt the most the disappointment cause I should have been stronger._

"Hey P. Sawyer" _Huh? Did I land in a different dimension cause I could have sworn she was pissed at me I mean she avoided my calls so what's going on?_

"Hey B. Davis I-I…how's life treating yuh?" _oh shit I shouldn't have asked now she just seems plain ole sad man I just know how to mess things up. I look over to Haley for some kinda help but she seems just as clueless as me time to change the subject. _"I'd uh like to introduce you guys to a good friend of mine Aria Marchetti we kinda work together in LA."

_Everyone said their introductions Haley is looking at me like I'm crazy so I pull her to the side to talk to her alone. _"What's with the glares Hales?"

"Oh we have a lot to talk about when it comes to me glaring at you…" _Oh shit am I in some major trouble. "But introducing Aria as your friend seems kinda mean don't you think she didn't even seem to mind."_

_I have to laugh I mean yeah sure we've done it a bunch of times even before we started constantly hooking up 2 weeks ago but nah we're just friends she knows that it's not me being mean it's just I haven't gotten over Brooke yet and yes me and Brooke were a thing in high school kinda broke up after graduation wasn't the most amicable break up either I left and the only thing I left behind was a note I just…it was hard and I needed a break guess I never got over her… _"Hales me and Aria aren't a thing we just…a couple of times alright? She's a friend a really good friend that's all."

"And while we're on the subject of friends I wanted to do this to your face." _She slaps me hard upside the head okay I guess I had the coming but WHAT THE HELL? That really hurted._

"What the hell Haley that really freaking hurted damn." _She looks at me like I just kicked her dog or something she's really pissed guess I'm about to get this look from everyone Brooke is Tree Hills "Golden Girl"_

"Brooke let me read that letter are you serious? I mean I know you can be mean and nasty but come on Peyton the things you said we're rather harsh don't you think? I mean yeah it was going to happen sooner or later with you going to LA and her to New York but you didn't have to say some of the things you said." _Okay now I'm confused the note was sad sure and honest but it wasn't nasty or harsh at all I mean what note were they reading._

"Haley what the hell are you talking about? The note I wrote Brooke wasn't harsh at all I mean all I said was the we needed to be apart for sometime that this time a part with me in LA and her in New York was just the thing we needed but I mean I still wanted the future we planned." _Now she looking at me like I'm lying or just plain delusional._

"Peyton the note Brooke should us didn't say anything about you wanting a life with her look come home with me and I'll show you the letter we read."

"Okay but Haley I'm telling you I never meant to break her heart I swear." _She looks at me like she wants to believe me but she's skeptical if I were here I'd be skeptical too I broke her friends heart 4 years ago._

"I want to believe you I do but it's just…I read the note and it looks a lot like your handwriting that letter broke Brooke's heart." _Well fuck me this is going to be one helluva week gotta plan my dad's funeral and try and prove my innocence even though I know I broke her heart I didn't mean to and I didn't write no hateful note I still remember everything I wrote._

_We walk back over to the group and then we leave our destination Naley's._

_Always & Forever


	4. To have NO ONE!

Peyton POV

_We finally arrived at Naley's at this point I could really go for couple of shots it's not that I'm scared about the letter or anything cause I know I didn't write no harsh letter it's the people that I just know is going to be there judging me before I even get to plead my case my nerves are killing me and Brooke is just sitting there not saying anything to me just sitting there Jamie is talking to Aria there's nothing for me to say I just damn I wish this day was over. Haley parks and we all get out of the car I leave my stuff in the car just in case I want to high tail it outta there._

"So…P. Sawyer I'm sorry to hear about your dad you know how much I loved Larry but that doesn't give you the right to…" _I kinda knew where she was heading with this conversation so I finished it for._

"Yeah I know heard the "you need to be stronger speech" from Aria and Mark already and I'm pretty sure Haley's pissed about it too so Brooke I know I messed up and there's no reason I should've be stronger but I wasn't there." _I know that Brooke was just being Brooke worried but I really couldn't control the way I felt I sounded cold I know that but what does anyone expect you can't be strong when you've lost everyone you just can't._

"I just wanted to tell you I was sorry…about Larry." _She walks off and I feel like an even bigger douche/jerk she was just worried and I'm just an ass. We go into the house and everyone that I love is there we do our little "I missed you/my condolences about Larry" greetings and I can see the stares I'm getting from everyone but Nathan that guys my savior right now well him and Skillz wonder if they read the infamous letter I'm being accused of writing. Everyone but the usual's began to leave and I'm getting uncomfortable._

"Peyton Haley said that we could stay here but I think you should do this alone so I'm gonna go get a hotel for next 2 days I'll see ya in the morning." _She's about to leave and to be honest I don't want her to leave you know I don't wanna face the music just yet. I grab her hand she turns back to face me with a smile on her face oh yeah this amuses her I bet._

"I don't want you to leave just yet Aria." _Her face expressions softens but I know she still leaving Brooke's here and she knows for a fact that Brooke thinks we're more than we are she doesn't want to make this more awkward then it already is._

"Peyton come on you're a big girl if it gets to be too much you can call me and I'll tell you where I am and you can come there alright? But you have to do this." _I really hate when she's right makes her sound all smug and crap so I let go of her hand and she pulls me in for a hug then pulls away and leave and oh crap the nerves are back at full throttle._

"You gonna break her heart next Peyton?" _I knew that quietness wasn't going to last for too long I turn around to face Lucas he looks pissed well everyone but Nathan and Skillz looks pissed Brooke looks side but everyone else sensing mad._

"Aria is just a friend there's nothing going on there." _Well I wouldn't believe it but he looks even more pissed I can't do this._

"Just like Brooke was just the most important person in your life and you just what? Up and left her for LA?" _well he got me there don't really have an answer for that kinda railroaded me there._ "How could you just leave Brooke like that Peyton I thought she meant something to you?" _I don't know how much more I can take I mean I knew this was going to happen I knew that for a fact but I'm not strong enough to go through this I'd just make it worst. Haley comes back in with a letter she hands it to me and walks back over to Brooke I look a Brooke who looks at the ground I look at the paper. _"Why don't you read it out loud for us Peyton?"

"Lucas stop being an ass she's here let her do what she needs." _Thank you Nathan told yah life savior but Lucas is right in his own asshole way._

"I can't do it anymore Brooke I thought that this was what I wanted but it isn't I shouldn't have told you all those lies all they were, were lies and you believed them and for that I am sorry but your life is in New York and mine is in LA this is the way it was always meant to be…I wasted 3 ½ of my life pretending you were what I wanted but deep down I knew this was a way at keeping you from others like Felix, Lucas, Nathan I needed you to myself and I knew how deep your feelings ran for me…I knew I could control you…...so I played with them with you told you everything you wanted to hear and now I just can't anymore I hope you can find happiness with someone else just make sure this time they love you back. -truly Peyton"

"Peyton that is your handwriting at least you can admit to that." _Damn I'd hate me to if I found a letter like that addressed to me but I mean she never brought it up we haven't talked much in the past 4 years but we've talked enough and not one time has she ever brought it up…I didn't write that shit though but they already hate so I ain't about to argue with they can believe whatever they want to believe they already think I wrote so fuck them._

"you know what I should've just planned the funeral from LA and came down here the day of the funeral why mash it out now? Huh? I talk to you Haley almost 3-4 times a week and not one time have you brought this up have YOU? No I've talk to almost everyone here in the last 4 years and not once not even you Brooke has brought this letter up you already think I did that I wrote this kinda stuff to her so why should I say I didn't? huh? Wouldn't believe me anyways and if you'd look at the letter you'd notice that I said 3 ½ me and Brooke were together 5 years we've been together since the summer before 8th grade if you could count that doesn't equal up to 3 ½ years it equals up to…"

"almost 5 years." _Oh yeah now I'm pissed I don't do angry very well I lash out I hurt people I mess everything up Brooke's looking at me with sad eyes no matter how wrong they were there will never be an us again. Everyone quiet now and I'm seething I can't help it I'm pissed._

"oh now everyone's quiet when you just accused me of breaking Brooke's heart being that freaking harsh you had a lot to say then Lucas what cat got your tongue all of a sudden? I mean come on the only ones that wasn't starring daggers at me was Nathan and Skillz so now no one has anything to say I mean Brooke you showed everyone the letter betcha wish I was there so you could slap the taste outta my mouth huh? You really think that damn little of me huh? _She didn't say anything didn't expect her too just wanted her to know how hurt I am._

"alright your right we made a mistake…" _I scoff she glares. "_but this isn't just about the letter Peyton…" _and here it comes. _"Mark told me and Brooke that you were using again you promised me that you stopped." _This is where the bitch in me comes out it just how I work._

"well when you get told by your friend that your father died in a car accident yet another parent that died in a car accident…you tend to do stupid stuff sorry if my stupid behaviour disappoints you…seems he was the only person that still believed in me you don't know how it feels TO HAVE NO ONE! So yeah I used it was the first time in the 3 weeks and I needed it…I should go." _I turn to leave praying no one says anything to me cause I don't want to mess anything else up I'm angry and like I said I don't do angry._

"Wait don't go." _That's exactly what I was praying didn't happen cause I know for a fact she wants to talk and that's one thing I don't want to do right now talk. I can hear her moving closer and closer to me then I feel her hand on my shoulder not so mad anymore I don't turn back to look at her I just gently grab her hand and open the door and we walk out we don't say anything we walk in silence all the way to my house I let her hand go and run up the steps to the house not ready to face that I open the door and grab my keys and run back down to her I open the car door for her and she gets in I run to the other side and she unlocks my door and opens it for me I jump in and start the car up and drive off…._

_Always & Forever


End file.
